I feel like I spent a lot of time catching up today. I'm still not feeling 100%, so it wasn't easy. I went to work for half of the day, and left because I was getting the whole chills/sweats thing again. Napped it off and did some work for home in the early evening.

I had a growing pile of stuff on my desk at home. Statements to reconcile, club memberships to process (quite a flood since announcing the events, a good problem to have), bills to pay.

When I finally got to the bottom of the pile, I went out to the hot tub for a little while to try and get out of my head. This of course did not work or I wouldn't be writing this. You know those scenes in movies or on TV where they show the clouds moving across the horizon in high speed? That's what it looked like when I was sitting out there. There was nothing peaceful about it at all. A spark of lightning and I had a sudden sense of urgency to not be sitting in 425 gallons of water.

But the image of those clouds is so prevalent in my head. It's that metaphor that time is passing by quickly, you know? As generally content as I am with most parts of my life, the passage of time still fucks with me. After spending time in Orlando, and seeing happy families doing happy stuff, I get a little concerned. I want to have one of those too, but the process of meeting people and finding the right one is so time consuming. Being self-aware about what makes an ideal relationship is kind of a burden because you can no longer settle for glaring flaws like poor communication, head games, hang-ups, dishonesty, and most importantly, a lack of unconditional support and love.

This particular segment of life also gets me thinking about the other problem I have, my inability to live entirely in the moment with disregard for the future. You can't live like that 24/7, but if you don't do it at all, you miss something. Right now, I'm thinking about how we're doing media day stuff, about how I'm making zero progress on CB4, about who is gonna go with me to the June BMG show, about when I'm going to plan the luau, how soon the Hershey event is, and perhaps most ridiculous, how my presentation is going to go down at a conference in freakin' November! Shit that's seven months away has no bearing at all on my life today, and yet I can't stop thinking about it.

Those clouds are relentless. I hope there's a break in them soon so I can enjoy the stars that appear there normally.