"The serious relationships I've had have been mostly effortless..."

I think that's the key - at least in my experience. If you're 'working' at it then it's not right in the first place.

I often hear people talk about marriage being hard or working on their marriage and I think, "WTF?"

Either I'm just too stupid to know better or I got it right the first time. My marriage is easy and fun...and always has been.

It's so refreshing to hear someone call marriage "easy and fun." I'm tired of people knocking marriage down and playing it up like a war that can never be won. I'm excited to get married.

I think you might have misunderstood the "work at marriage" thing, Gonch. I agree if you have to work hard at it from the very beginning, then it never was right to begin with.

But what do you do 10, 15 years down the road when you realize the dynamics in your relationship have changed?

Ideally, two people in a relationship do "work" together and grow together, adapting to changes as we mature and grow. As with everything, if you keep up with the "work" on a daily basis, it doesn't feel like work.

But sometimes people move in completely different directions, and the changes are so subtle until way down the road when suddenly you realize you are at opposite ends of the spectrum.

A lot of people will simply give up and walk away from each other. Sometimes, that's the only way. But for those of us who feel the relationship is worth rekindling, then you have to work much harder at finding that connective balance again. It means a lot more compromise and a lot more learning about who we are as individuals and who we want to be as a couple.

(And it's REALLY irritating when my login doesn't last more than 15 minutes so my posts come up as anonymous. ~ CPLay

People go through rough times, but yeah, I generally agree that if it's a constant struggle, you're not with the right person.

I can't really comment on the marriage part of this post, as I've never been married and I haven't found a a suitable prospect in ages.

I can, however, comment on the dating scene. It's horrid. I recently read a post by a guy who quoted an image from a Feb 2007 National Geographic article. It showed where the largest populations of single people are. The Detroit and Cleveland areas were high in single females.

I just wish more of them were at least interesting in conversation. You're right. There's a crapload of people out there who have no passions whatsoever, except say for coitus. While I enjoy coitus, I would prefer her to have other interests outside of that.

Eloquent post about Stephanie, though. Sounds like she was a great person. She seemed cool from the few times I'd encountered her at events.

Good luck with the dating scene, Jeff.

Oh. the image referenced in the article:

http://bp2.blogger.com/_P1KK-Uc_jQo/Rh2GbQgu9ZI/AAAAAAAAAJ8/RdLaoCv_YMY/s1600-h/singlesmap.jpg

She still is a great person. We're just not married anymore.

The only truth I know is that when it comes to meaningful relationships there are no easy recipes and no sure-fire ingredients.

I think you are absolutely correct, Jeff. The complexity of it all is astounding. But to even realize that, is to be so far ahead I have no doubt, as you said, you will figure it out.

I also want to say that I respect the maturity you have in maintaining positive relationships with those you used to be intimately involved with. That is not easy to do in many cases.

I agree about the dating scene sucking, about all your exes being kick ass (especially one!), and about it not being hard work. Other than that, the more people I meet the more I realize I don't know as much about men and myself as I wish I did. I hope to find someone I can grow with so I don't have to spend my whole life searching! And, I also am interested in coitus, but that's not the only thing (wink!)

(Just to clarify, i didn't mean to imply I thought the greatness changed.)